Happy Marriages
What is the secret to a happy marriage? An old adage says, “Opposites attract.” Most social scientists say that as general rule, opposites might initially attracted, but over time they tend to repel. What is important is shared goals, values, and what they want out of the relationship.
After being happily married for 45 years and having counseled thousands of couples for 35 years, psychologist Neil Clark Warren, founder of the eharmony.com, an internet matchmaking service, concluded that the happiest couples were those who tend to be of similar intelligence, energy, ambition and industriousness, with many common interests and things they enjoy doing together. Some things such as a religion or wanting or not wanting to have children are critical depending on how important those factors are to each individual. One particularly significant measure of compatibility seems to be whether are not to people share a passion for the arts. If neither does, it’s fine, but if one does and the other doesn’t, it could be a big problem (Los Angeles Times, 4/26/04, p. F8).
There are other factors. Claiming he knows “all the pitfalls” of marriage, Patrick A. Winning, a divorce attorney, says the primary factors he sees in his clients who are seeking a divorce are the inability to communicate and the inability to manage conflict. Granted, one might expect that from couples seeking a divorce, but at the same time, common sense would say that the couples who does not communicate or manage conflict are headed for trouble, if not a divorce.
Then, there in is chemistry. To my knowledge, no one has yet figured out why one is drawn to one person and not another, but that is a reality of life. Warren says he does not understand attraction, adding “I don’t care how compatible you are, if there’s no chemistry, don’t seal the thing: Love minus chemistry equals friendship. Don’t try to turn it into love.”
This much I know. The happiest couples I know, including my wife, Patricia and I, have chemistry. Such couples just seemed to be very much in love with each other. They enjoy each other’s company. They like to do things together, even simple things. They touch each other. They finish each others sentences. They brag about being “soul-mates.”
If you are not yet married, compatibility, communication, and chemistry ought to be major criteria in your search for a soul-mate. Needless to say, if you are a believer in Jesus Christ, He ought to be at the top of the list. If you know the Lord and a potential partner doesn’t, there is a huge problem with compatibility.
If you’re already married, major on the things the two of you have in common. Improve your compatibility. Communicate. Work on developing the relationship. In the final analysis, a happy marriage takes hard work.
© G. Michael Cocoris, 6/29/2004
After being happily married for 45 years and having counseled thousands of couples for 35 years, psychologist Neil Clark Warren, founder of the eharmony.com, an internet matchmaking service, concluded that the happiest couples were those who tend to be of similar intelligence, energy, ambition and industriousness, with many common interests and things they enjoy doing together. Some things such as a religion or wanting or not wanting to have children are critical depending on how important those factors are to each individual. One particularly significant measure of compatibility seems to be whether are not to people share a passion for the arts. If neither does, it’s fine, but if one does and the other doesn’t, it could be a big problem (Los Angeles Times, 4/26/04, p. F8).
There are other factors. Claiming he knows “all the pitfalls” of marriage, Patrick A. Winning, a divorce attorney, says the primary factors he sees in his clients who are seeking a divorce are the inability to communicate and the inability to manage conflict. Granted, one might expect that from couples seeking a divorce, but at the same time, common sense would say that the couples who does not communicate or manage conflict are headed for trouble, if not a divorce.
Then, there in is chemistry. To my knowledge, no one has yet figured out why one is drawn to one person and not another, but that is a reality of life. Warren says he does not understand attraction, adding “I don’t care how compatible you are, if there’s no chemistry, don’t seal the thing: Love minus chemistry equals friendship. Don’t try to turn it into love.”
This much I know. The happiest couples I know, including my wife, Patricia and I, have chemistry. Such couples just seemed to be very much in love with each other. They enjoy each other’s company. They like to do things together, even simple things. They touch each other. They finish each others sentences. They brag about being “soul-mates.”
If you are not yet married, compatibility, communication, and chemistry ought to be major criteria in your search for a soul-mate. Needless to say, if you are a believer in Jesus Christ, He ought to be at the top of the list. If you know the Lord and a potential partner doesn’t, there is a huge problem with compatibility.
If you’re already married, major on the things the two of you have in common. Improve your compatibility. Communicate. Work on developing the relationship. In the final analysis, a happy marriage takes hard work.
© G. Michael Cocoris, 6/29/2004