FROM HONEYMOON HARMONY TO DIVORCE
Ideally, a married couple should live in harmony. After all they are “companions” (Mal. 2:14), hopefully headed in the same direction. Unfortunately, many marriages end in divorce. There is a road between the harmony of the honeymoon and the dissolution of the marriage in a divorce court. Where on that road is your marriage?
Differences Even couples with honeymoon harmony have differences of opinion, even disagreements. As has been said, “If the two of you agreed on everything, one of you would be unnecessary.” Difference and disagreements are not a problem, provided that both individuals understand, accept, and learn to live with them. Of course, if there are too many differences or the disagreements are too serious, it makes the honeymoon harmony more and more difficult to maintain.
Discussion Discussion is constructive conversation. Married people should be able to amiably discuss their disagreements. They should be willing to work out a solution, usually a compromise that is acceptable to both. The solution may be that he gets his wish, she gets what her wants, or some compromise in between.
Dispute To dispute is to debate (from the Latin dispultare < dis, apart + pultare, to think). Instead of compromise there is controversy. Debate is not necessarily bad provided that the fighting is fair. Argue, that is, present your case, without being argumentative. Be careful. Marriage enters the danger zone this point.
Dissention Dissention (from the Latin dissentire < dis, apart + sentire, to feel, think) indicates that the two are not thinking alike and it usually involves verbal strife. Strife is the struggle to win. At this point, one (or both) is no longer looking for a solution. Defending a position is the concern. Beware of defensiveness.
Discord Discord is lack of concord (concord comes from the Latin word concordis < com, together + cordis, heart). Now, the hearts are not together. People can disagree, discuss, debate, and even temporarily strive, but still have their hearts together. With discord there is an emotional division. Now fighting for a position is the posture.
In music, discord is a lack of harmony in tones simultaneously sounded. In marriage, both are talking, but they are not hearing each other. It is as if they are each playing different tunes at the same time. Watch out for anger and attack. You are entering the war zone. Wise people choose their battles carefully.
Dysfunction Dysfunction is a lack of intimacy. The difference has not developed into such a division that there is no longer the sharing of the deepest feelings with each other. There is anger, guilt, fear, bitterness, resentment, a feeling abandonment, contempt, etc.
Divorce Divorce is separation, disunion. It is to “disunite.” Before there is a legal divorce, there is a mental divorce, an emotional divorce, and a physical divorce. God hates it when that happens (Mal. 2:16). Make a u-turn long before the end of the road.
© G. Michael Cocoris, 3/30/2001
Differences Even couples with honeymoon harmony have differences of opinion, even disagreements. As has been said, “If the two of you agreed on everything, one of you would be unnecessary.” Difference and disagreements are not a problem, provided that both individuals understand, accept, and learn to live with them. Of course, if there are too many differences or the disagreements are too serious, it makes the honeymoon harmony more and more difficult to maintain.
Discussion Discussion is constructive conversation. Married people should be able to amiably discuss their disagreements. They should be willing to work out a solution, usually a compromise that is acceptable to both. The solution may be that he gets his wish, she gets what her wants, or some compromise in between.
Dispute To dispute is to debate (from the Latin dispultare < dis, apart + pultare, to think). Instead of compromise there is controversy. Debate is not necessarily bad provided that the fighting is fair. Argue, that is, present your case, without being argumentative. Be careful. Marriage enters the danger zone this point.
Dissention Dissention (from the Latin dissentire < dis, apart + sentire, to feel, think) indicates that the two are not thinking alike and it usually involves verbal strife. Strife is the struggle to win. At this point, one (or both) is no longer looking for a solution. Defending a position is the concern. Beware of defensiveness.
Discord Discord is lack of concord (concord comes from the Latin word concordis < com, together + cordis, heart). Now, the hearts are not together. People can disagree, discuss, debate, and even temporarily strive, but still have their hearts together. With discord there is an emotional division. Now fighting for a position is the posture.
In music, discord is a lack of harmony in tones simultaneously sounded. In marriage, both are talking, but they are not hearing each other. It is as if they are each playing different tunes at the same time. Watch out for anger and attack. You are entering the war zone. Wise people choose their battles carefully.
Dysfunction Dysfunction is a lack of intimacy. The difference has not developed into such a division that there is no longer the sharing of the deepest feelings with each other. There is anger, guilt, fear, bitterness, resentment, a feeling abandonment, contempt, etc.
Divorce Divorce is separation, disunion. It is to “disunite.” Before there is a legal divorce, there is a mental divorce, an emotional divorce, and a physical divorce. God hates it when that happens (Mal. 2:16). Make a u-turn long before the end of the road.
© G. Michael Cocoris, 3/30/2001
