Glasses come in Pairs
We think of people as individuals, but like glass people usually come in pairs. Just as some glasses only have a single lens, there may be some individuals who function as a single unit, but the overwhelming majority operate as part of a pair. I have observed this in at least three different settings.
One of the first times I detected this phenomenon was in dealing with couples as a young pastor. I discovered that unchurched couples often made a decision about coming to church as a couple. I heard her say, “I have to talk to my husband.” Or I saw him respond with, “I will talk it over with my wife.”
I have also observed this among church board members. I noticed that sometimes board members did not want to make a decision until the next board meeting. At first, I attributed it to an unwillingness to “bite the bullet” and make the tough decisions. Then, one day, what was really happening dawned on me. On some issues they simply want to talk to their wives! After I said that to them, they readily admitted it. In fact, it became a joke. In the middle of a decision, one would say, “Let’s make this decision after we have talked to our wives” and that is exactly what we did.
In the case of one board member, I perceived that sometimes he said things that did not sound like him. I began thinking, “That is not him talking.” Then, I realized it wasn’t him at all. What we were hearing was actually coming from the last person who had talked to him about that subject before the board.
I have seen it in selling. When I first became a stockbroker, I worked for a financial planning firm that had us making financial presentations to couples. We were warned about making what was called a “one-legged pre,” that is, a presentation to just the husband or wife alone. We were told that it was virtually impossible to sell our program if only one spouse was present. We were advised that if we arrived to find only one spouse present, we should reschedule the appointment. It did not take long to discover that they were right.
When you look at a human being, remember you are not dealing with a single person. You are dealing with a pair of people, and maybe more than two. Individuals do not function in isolation. They forms opinions, make decisions, and adopt attitudes in conjunction with one or more other people (Rom. 14:7).
I was once told that when a pastor candidates at a church, he should ask, “Who are the five most influential people in this church? Who are the decision makers?” Likewise, when you deal with individuals, especially if you want to change their mind, ask, “Who are the influential people in this person’s life? Who helps them with decisions?”
When you look at one, make sure you see two (or more). To think that a person makes up his or her mind solely by himself or herself is to look at people through rose-colored glasses. If you don’t see people in pairs, your vision is not 20/20.
© G. Michael Cocoris, 9/24/00
One of the first times I detected this phenomenon was in dealing with couples as a young pastor. I discovered that unchurched couples often made a decision about coming to church as a couple. I heard her say, “I have to talk to my husband.” Or I saw him respond with, “I will talk it over with my wife.”
I have also observed this among church board members. I noticed that sometimes board members did not want to make a decision until the next board meeting. At first, I attributed it to an unwillingness to “bite the bullet” and make the tough decisions. Then, one day, what was really happening dawned on me. On some issues they simply want to talk to their wives! After I said that to them, they readily admitted it. In fact, it became a joke. In the middle of a decision, one would say, “Let’s make this decision after we have talked to our wives” and that is exactly what we did.
In the case of one board member, I perceived that sometimes he said things that did not sound like him. I began thinking, “That is not him talking.” Then, I realized it wasn’t him at all. What we were hearing was actually coming from the last person who had talked to him about that subject before the board.
I have seen it in selling. When I first became a stockbroker, I worked for a financial planning firm that had us making financial presentations to couples. We were warned about making what was called a “one-legged pre,” that is, a presentation to just the husband or wife alone. We were told that it was virtually impossible to sell our program if only one spouse was present. We were advised that if we arrived to find only one spouse present, we should reschedule the appointment. It did not take long to discover that they were right.
When you look at a human being, remember you are not dealing with a single person. You are dealing with a pair of people, and maybe more than two. Individuals do not function in isolation. They forms opinions, make decisions, and adopt attitudes in conjunction with one or more other people (Rom. 14:7).
I was once told that when a pastor candidates at a church, he should ask, “Who are the five most influential people in this church? Who are the decision makers?” Likewise, when you deal with individuals, especially if you want to change their mind, ask, “Who are the influential people in this person’s life? Who helps them with decisions?”
When you look at one, make sure you see two (or more). To think that a person makes up his or her mind solely by himself or herself is to look at people through rose-colored glasses. If you don’t see people in pairs, your vision is not 20/20.
© G. Michael Cocoris, 9/24/00
