Marriage Math
Marriage is a give and take that can be expressed in mathematical terms. Many mates feel that their marriage is 60/40 by which they mean that they give 60% and get 40%. Of course, others would say that their marriage adds up differently, more like 70/30, 80/20, 90/10, or worst. As the second number slides down, the state of the marriage slips further and further from the ideal.
Most couples with whom I have talked to in marriage counseling seem to figure that what is fair is 50/50. Please note: couples in marriage counseling think that 50/50 is fair!
Over the years, I have told couples that marriage is a 100/0 proposition, meaning each should give 100% without expecting anything in return. That sure sounds good. As they say, it looks good on paper. In real life, it rarely adds up. Frankly, barring some extreme circumstance, like one being totally bedridden, to expect nothing in a marriage is idealism in the extreme. At best, it is a great attitude toward which to strive. Under normal circumstances, if it actually came down to giving 100% and getting nothing, it would take someone who is masochistic or an unbelievable saint to stay in the marriage. I don’t doubt that both happen.
How does God compute marriage math? In the words of Genesis, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). “One flesh” is physical consummation, though expositors from ancient rabbis on have understood it to include other aspects of the relationship as well. Assuming that “one flesh” is more than just the physical side of marriage, the divine math of marriage is 1 + 1 = 1.
Two becoming one does not mean that they become identical. The two keep their individual identity and even some of their differences of taste, preferences, and opinion. At the same time, they slowly become more and more one. In the case of some couples who have lived together harmoniously for many decades, in their old age, they are said to even look alike.
In many ways, Patricia and I have experienced divine marriage math in our marriage. For us, one of the greatest expressions of the fact that the two of us were becoming one happened on our seventh wedding anniversary. As was our custom, we bought each other an anniversary card. To our amazement, we had picked out cards for each other with the same identical text. The cards were different in design, but the text of the message was exactly the same!
If your marriage is not adding up, the solution is not subtraction or division. Use higher math and your intimacy will multiply.
Happy valentines day!
© G. Michael Cocoris, 2/14/2002
Most couples with whom I have talked to in marriage counseling seem to figure that what is fair is 50/50. Please note: couples in marriage counseling think that 50/50 is fair!
Over the years, I have told couples that marriage is a 100/0 proposition, meaning each should give 100% without expecting anything in return. That sure sounds good. As they say, it looks good on paper. In real life, it rarely adds up. Frankly, barring some extreme circumstance, like one being totally bedridden, to expect nothing in a marriage is idealism in the extreme. At best, it is a great attitude toward which to strive. Under normal circumstances, if it actually came down to giving 100% and getting nothing, it would take someone who is masochistic or an unbelievable saint to stay in the marriage. I don’t doubt that both happen.
How does God compute marriage math? In the words of Genesis, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). “One flesh” is physical consummation, though expositors from ancient rabbis on have understood it to include other aspects of the relationship as well. Assuming that “one flesh” is more than just the physical side of marriage, the divine math of marriage is 1 + 1 = 1.
Two becoming one does not mean that they become identical. The two keep their individual identity and even some of their differences of taste, preferences, and opinion. At the same time, they slowly become more and more one. In the case of some couples who have lived together harmoniously for many decades, in their old age, they are said to even look alike.
In many ways, Patricia and I have experienced divine marriage math in our marriage. For us, one of the greatest expressions of the fact that the two of us were becoming one happened on our seventh wedding anniversary. As was our custom, we bought each other an anniversary card. To our amazement, we had picked out cards for each other with the same identical text. The cards were different in design, but the text of the message was exactly the same!
If your marriage is not adding up, the solution is not subtraction or division. Use higher math and your intimacy will multiply.
Happy valentines day!
© G. Michael Cocoris, 2/14/2002
