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    • 2000 Articles 1-7 >
      • 1. The Perfect Storm
      • 2. Biographical Update
      • 3. Why so much Judgment?
      • 4. Glasses come in Pairs
      • 5. Why so much about Church?
      • 6. Reflections on an Election
      • 7. For Me to Live is Maintenance
    • 2001 Articles 8-22 >
      • 8. From Common Sense to nonsense
      • 9. Left Behind
      • 10. Owners or Guardians?
      • 11. From Honeymoon Harmony to Divorce
      • 12. For Goodness Sake
      • 13. A Perfect Prayer
      • 14. No is not a Negative
      • 15. What My Shoes have Taught Me
      • 16. For Mercy Sake
      • 17. The Attack on America
      • 18. The Motivation of a Sucide Terrorest
      • 19. The Message of the Terorist
      • 20. The Anthrax Scare
      • 21. Real Thanksgiving
      • 22. I have been Robbed!
    • 2002 Articles 23-39 >
      • 23. A Tribute to George
      • 24. Church Math
      • 25. Marriage Math
      • 26. How Sad
      • 27. The Anatomy of an Affair
      • 28. "I have a Problem."
      • 29. When
      • 30. Sport History
      • 31. Under God
      • 32. An "Honest" Thief
      • 33. Why does Life have to be so Difficult?
      • 34. A Tribute to Maria
      • 35. What Jesus' Words Have Taught Me
      • 36. Who Ministers to the Minister?
      • 37. The Whiner
      • 38. Reckoned Righteous by Works
      • 39. Are New Year's Resolutions Biblical?
    • 2003 Articles 40-53 >
      • 40. One of the Greatest Need America
      • 41. Your Memorial Table
      • 42. George W. Bush Verses Saddam Hussein
      • 43. Learning to Listen
      • 44. The Problem with Gambling
      • 45. Memorial Day
      • 46. My Ecounter with an Orthhodox Jew
      • 47. Scott Free
      • 48. What My Auto Accident Taught Me
      • 49. The Decline in Family Living
      • 50. Give Me a Problem
      • 51. Decoding the Da Vinci Code
      • 52. Thanksgiving is not a Holiday
      • 53. What a Christmas Present!
    • 2004 Articles 54-67 >
      • 54. What Do You Mean by that?
      • 55. What are Parents to Do?
      • 56. "The Passion of Christ"
      • 57. Martha Stewart's Greatest Lesson
      • 58. Same Sex Marriage
      • 59. A Tribute to a Servant
      • 60. Happy Marriages
      • 61. Independence
      • 62. Kerry's Logic
      • 63. The Olympic Spirit
      • 64. Playing Cards
      • 65. Cardinal Virtures
      • 66. Now that the Election is over
      • 67. Tribute to My Mother
    • 2005 Articles 68-79 >
      • 68. Real Spiritual Growth
      • 69. No Time to Think
      • 70. The Ten Commandments Controversy
      • 71. Do We Need a Pope?
      • 72. Everybody Loves Raymond
      • 73. Examples Worthy of Note
      • 74. How Two Different People Learned to Get Along
      • 75. "The God who Wasn't"
      • 76. Katrina and Now Rita!
      • 77. Would You Say "No" to $4 Million?
      • 78. "In God We Trust"
      • 79. The Redemption of Tookie Willaims
    • 2006 Articles 80-91 >
      • 80. Is Religion a Problem?
      • 81. The Rights of the Born
      • 82. Did You Hear What She Said about Muslims?
      • 83. Judas: Betrayer or Best Friend?
      • 84. Weekend or Week--Beginning?
      • 85. A Tribute to My (Spiritual) Father
      • 86. Your Relationship to the Word of God
      • 87. What an Opportunity!
      • 88. America's Four Gods
      • 89. How to Deal with Your Enemies
      • 90. The Case for Systematic Exposition
      • 91. Don't Miss the Message
    • 2007 Articles 92-104 >
      • 92. I can Afford it!
      • 93. The Gospel according to Patricia
      • 94. The Functional Church
      • 95. Who wants to Deal with a Taxman?
      • 96. Vital Virtures
      • 97. Have You Grown up Yet?
      • 98. A July 4th Reminder
      • 99. The Volume of Silence
      • 100. Biblical Illiteracy
      • 101. A Modest Political Propospal
      • 102. How to Handle Credit Cards
      • 103. When it is Tough to be Thankful
      • 104. Romney's Religion
    • 2008 Articles 105-114 >
      • 105. Continue
      • 106. A Tribute to Jack
      • 107. Why Good Ftiday?
      • 108. Happy Birthday
      • 109. The Most Important Room in the House
      • 110. The 80-20 Rule
      • 111. Be Sensible
      • 112. To Be Like Christ
      • 113. Sweet Reasonableness
      • 114. The Other Benefit of Christmas
    • 2009 Articles 115-126 >
      • 115. What Determines who Obtains Eternal Life?
      • 116. The Healing Touch
      • 117. The Function of Dysfunction
      • 118. When Your World Falls Apart
      • 119. 24-7-365
      • 120. To Complain or not to Complain
      • 121. "Suggestions"
      • 122. Making a Mark
      • 123. God's Timing
      • 124. Jesus Wept
      • 125. Andrew
      • 126. The Cost of Service
    • 2010 Articles 127-138 >
      • 127. Don't Ask; Don't Tell
      • 128. A Forest Dark
      • 129. The Rule of Law
      • 130. The Hits and Miss of Grace
      • 131. People Need the Lord
      • 132. Examples Worthy of Notes
      • 133. A Hassle Reduction Strategy
      • 134. Gossip
      • 135. My Favorite Poem
      • 136. Let's Put the Cross in its Place
      • 137. "Don't Spare Me"
      • 138 The Unseen Message of Christmas
    • 2011 Articles 139-147 >
      • 139. What Parents Should Teach their Children
      • 140. How to Avoid Having to Serve
      • 141. What Happen to Mike?
      • 142. An Atheist Recommends God
      • 143. Surprise
      • 144. Socialism
      • 145. Union, Unity, and Uniformity
      • 146. Get in the Way
      • 147. "Let George do it."
    • 2012 Articles 148-160 >
      • 148. Truth or Consequences
      • 149. Don't Leave Home without it
      • 150. Take a Break
      • 151. The Worth of an Individual
      • 152. A Tribute to Nana
      • 153. Jesus Crossed the Line
      • 154. Thomas Jefferson
      • 155. Taxes
      • 156. You Must be Present to Win
      • 157. A Grandfather's Wish
      • 158. Trials. Temptations, and Tests
      • 159. Is There a Santa Claus?
      • 160. A Tribute to Sumner Wemp
    • 2013 Articles 161-172 >
      • 161. How to Finish Well
      • 162. Rewards
      • 163. Spiritual Binging
      • 164. There is no way out of this one
      • 165. Half Empty or Half Full
      • 166. Nones
      • 167. Greet One Another with a Holy Kiss
      • 168. God's Answer to Atheism
      • 169. Obedience
      • 170. The Problem of Fellowship with God
      • 171. Character Development
      • 172. For Mercy's Sake
    • 2014 Articles 173-180 >
      • 173. Lies
      • 174. Endure to the End
      • 175. Teaching Children How Money Grows
      • 176. The Principle of Delay
      • 177. By Their Fruit
      • 178. Sermons that Changed My Life
      • 179. If Paul Harvey were the Devil
      • 180. The Principle of Practice
    • 2015 Articles 181- >
      • 181. In Wrath Remember Mercy
      • 182. Choosing the Right Shepherd
      • 183. The Lord's Requirements
      • 184. Your Ear Lobe. Thumb, and Big Toe
      • More articles will be added as they are written
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Marriage Math

Marriage is a give and take that can be expressed in mathematical terms. Many mates feel that their marriage is 60/40 by which they mean that they give 60% and get 40%. Of course, others would say that their marriage adds up differently, more like 70/30, 80/20, 90/10, or worst. As the second number slides down, the state of the marriage slips further and further from the ideal.

Most couples with whom I have talked to in marriage counseling seem to figure that what is fair is 50/50. Please note: couples in marriage counseling think that 50/50 is fair!

Over the years, I have told couples that marriage is a 100/0 proposition, meaning each should give 100% without expecting anything in return. That sure sounds good. As they say, it looks good on paper. In real life, it rarely adds up. Frankly, barring some extreme circumstance, like one being totally bedridden, to expect nothing in a marriage is idealism in the extreme. At best, it is a great attitude toward which to strive. Under normal circumstances, if it actually came down to giving 100% and getting nothing, it would take someone who is masochistic or an unbelievable saint to stay in the marriage. I don’t doubt that both happen.

How does God compute marriage math? In the words of Genesis, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). “One flesh” is physical consummation, though expositors from ancient rabbis on have understood it to include other aspects of the relationship as well. Assuming that “one flesh” is more than just the physical side of marriage, the divine math of marriage is 1 + 1 = 1.

Two becoming one does not mean that they become identical. The two keep their individual identity and even some of their differences of taste, preferences, and opinion. At the same time, they slowly become more and more one. In the case of some couples who have lived together harmoniously for many decades, in their old age, they are said to even look alike.

In many ways, Patricia and I have experienced divine marriage math in our marriage. For us, one of the greatest expressions of the fact that the two of us were becoming one happened on our seventh wedding anniversary. As was our custom, we bought each other an anniversary card. To our amazement, we had picked out cards for each other with the same identical text. The cards were different in design, but the text of the message was exactly the same!

If your marriage is not adding up, the solution is not subtraction or division. Use higher math and your intimacy will multiply.

Happy valentines day!

                           © G. Michael Cocoris, 2/14/2002
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