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    • 2000 Articles 1-7 >
      • 1. The Perfect Storm
      • 2. Biographical Update
      • 3. Why so much Judgment?
      • 4. Glasses come in Pairs
      • 5. Why so much about Church?
      • 6. Reflections on an Election
      • 7. For Me to Live is Maintenance
    • 2001 Articles 8-22 >
      • 8. From Common Sense to nonsense
      • 9. Left Behind
      • 10. Owners or Guardians?
      • 11. From Honeymoon Harmony to Divorce
      • 12. For Goodness Sake
      • 13. A Perfect Prayer
      • 14. No is not a Negative
      • 15. What My Shoes have Taught Me
      • 16. For Mercy Sake
      • 17. The Attack on America
      • 18. The Motivation of a Sucide Terrorest
      • 19. The Message of the Terorist
      • 20. The Anthrax Scare
      • 21. Real Thanksgiving
      • 22. I have been Robbed!
    • 2002 Articles 23-39 >
      • 23. A Tribute to George
      • 24. Church Math
      • 25. Marriage Math
      • 26. How Sad
      • 27. The Anatomy of an Affair
      • 28. "I have a Problem."
      • 29. When
      • 30. Sport History
      • 31. Under God
      • 32. An "Honest" Thief
      • 33. Why does Life have to be so Difficult?
      • 34. A Tribute to Maria
      • 35. What Jesus' Words Have Taught Me
      • 36. Who Ministers to the Minister?
      • 37. The Whiner
      • 38. Reckoned Righteous by Works
      • 39. Are New Year's Resolutions Biblical?
    • 2003 Articles 40-53 >
      • 40. One of the Greatest Need America
      • 41. Your Memorial Table
      • 42. George W. Bush Verses Saddam Hussein
      • 43. Learning to Listen
      • 44. The Problem with Gambling
      • 45. Memorial Day
      • 46. My Ecounter with an Orthhodox Jew
      • 47. Scott Free
      • 48. What My Auto Accident Taught Me
      • 49. The Decline in Family Living
      • 50. Give Me a Problem
      • 51. Decoding the Da Vinci Code
      • 52. Thanksgiving is not a Holiday
      • 53. What a Christmas Present!
    • 2004 Articles 54-67 >
      • 54. What Do You Mean by that?
      • 55. What are Parents to Do?
      • 56. "The Passion of Christ"
      • 57. Martha Stewart's Greatest Lesson
      • 58. Same Sex Marriage
      • 59. A Tribute to a Servant
      • 60. Happy Marriages
      • 61. Independence
      • 62. Kerry's Logic
      • 63. The Olympic Spirit
      • 64. Playing Cards
      • 65. Cardinal Virtures
      • 66. Now that the Election is over
      • 67. Tribute to My Mother
    • 2005 Articles 68-79 >
      • 68. Real Spiritual Growth
      • 69. No Time to Think
      • 70. The Ten Commandments Controversy
      • 71. Do We Need a Pope?
      • 72. Everybody Loves Raymond
      • 73. Examples Worthy of Note
      • 74. How Two Different People Learned to Get Along
      • 75. "The God who Wasn't"
      • 76. Katrina and Now Rita!
      • 77. Would You Say "No" to $4 Million?
      • 78. "In God We Trust"
      • 79. The Redemption of Tookie Willaims
    • 2006 Articles 80-91 >
      • 80. Is Religion a Problem?
      • 81. The Rights of the Born
      • 82. Did You Hear What She Said about Muslims?
      • 83. Judas: Betrayer or Best Friend?
      • 84. Weekend or Week--Beginning?
      • 85. A Tribute to My (Spiritual) Father
      • 86. Your Relationship to the Word of God
      • 87. What an Opportunity!
      • 88. America's Four Gods
      • 89. How to Deal with Your Enemies
      • 90. The Case for Systematic Exposition
      • 91. Don't Miss the Message
    • 2007 Articles 92-104 >
      • 92. I can Afford it!
      • 93. The Gospel according to Patricia
      • 94. The Functional Church
      • 95. Who wants to Deal with a Taxman?
      • 96. Vital Virtures
      • 97. Have You Grown up Yet?
      • 98. A July 4th Reminder
      • 99. The Volume of Silence
      • 100. Biblical Illiteracy
      • 101. A Modest Political Propospal
      • 102. How to Handle Credit Cards
      • 103. When it is Tough to be Thankful
      • 104. Romney's Religion
    • 2008 Articles 105-114 >
      • 105. Continue
      • 106. A Tribute to Jack
      • 107. Why Good Ftiday?
      • 108. Happy Birthday
      • 109. The Most Important Room in the House
      • 110. The 80-20 Rule
      • 111. Be Sensible
      • 112. To Be Like Christ
      • 113. Sweet Reasonableness
      • 114. The Other Benefit of Christmas
    • 2009 Articles 115-126 >
      • 115. What Determines who Obtains Eternal Life?
      • 116. The Healing Touch
      • 117. The Function of Dysfunction
      • 118. When Your World Falls Apart
      • 119. 24-7-365
      • 120. To Complain or not to Complain
      • 121. "Suggestions"
      • 122. Making a Mark
      • 123. God's Timing
      • 124. Jesus Wept
      • 125. Andrew
      • 126. The Cost of Service
    • 2010 Articles 127-138 >
      • 127. Don't Ask; Don't Tell
      • 128. A Forest Dark
      • 129. The Rule of Law
      • 130. The Hits and Miss of Grace
      • 131. People Need the Lord
      • 132. Examples Worthy of Notes
      • 133. A Hassle Reduction Strategy
      • 134. Gossip
      • 135. My Favorite Poem
      • 136. Let's Put the Cross in its Place
      • 137. "Don't Spare Me"
      • 138 The Unseen Message of Christmas
    • 2011 Articles 139-147 >
      • 139. What Parents Should Teach their Children
      • 140. How to Avoid Having to Serve
      • 141. What Happen to Mike?
      • 142. An Atheist Recommends God
      • 143. Surprise
      • 144. Socialism
      • 145. Union, Unity, and Uniformity
      • 146. Get in the Way
      • 147. "Let George do it."
    • 2012 Articles 148-160 >
      • 148. Truth or Consequences
      • 149. Don't Leave Home without it
      • 150. Take a Break
      • 151. The Worth of an Individual
      • 152. A Tribute to Nana
      • 153. Jesus Crossed the Line
      • 154. Thomas Jefferson
      • 155. Taxes
      • 156. You Must be Present to Win
      • 157. A Grandfather's Wish
      • 158. Trials. Temptations, and Tests
      • 159. Is There a Santa Claus?
      • 160. A Tribute to Sumner Wemp
    • 2013 Articles 161-172 >
      • 161. How to Finish Well
      • 162. Rewards
      • 163. Spiritual Binging
      • 164. There is no way out of this one
      • 165. Half Empty or Half Full
      • 166. Nones
      • 167. Greet One Another with a Holy Kiss
      • 168. God's Answer to Atheism
      • 169. Obedience
      • 170. The Problem of Fellowship with God
      • 171. Character Development
      • 172. For Mercy's Sake
    • 2014 Articles 173-180 >
      • 173. Lies
      • 174. Endure to the End
      • 175. Teaching Children How Money Grows
      • 176. The Principle of Delay
      • 177. By Their Fruit
      • 178. Sermons that Changed My Life
      • 179. If Paul Harvey were the Devil
      • 180. The Principle of Practice
    • 2015 Articles 181- >
      • 181. In Wrath Remember Mercy
      • 182. Choosing the Right Shepherd
      • 183. The Lord's Requirements
      • 184. Your Ear Lobe. Thumb, and Big Toe
      • More articles will be added as they are written
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  • Theological Studies
    • Is Baptism Necessary for Salvation?
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    • Lordship Salvation: Is it Biblical?
    • John MacArthur Jr.'s System of Salvation
    • The Miraculous Today
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Learning to Listen

On occasions, people have thanked me for “listening.” I have also had someone say to me, “Are you listening to me?” What is it that I do that makes people think that I am genuinely listening? What is it that I do that makes some feel that I am not listening? How can we develop listening skills? Here are a few suggestions.

Attitude Listening begins with a loving attitude. It is the attitude of, “I care about you and I am genuinely interested in what you have to say.”

Body Language Experts contend that most of communication is body language. When listening, you are not speaking, but your body is sending signals and speaking more loudly than you might be aware. The body definitely has a language that communicates. Make sure that your body is sending the message you want to convey.

Some body posture sends a negative message, for example, crossing your arms. Sitting behind a desk, conveys a power position and less personal warmth.

In order to communicate a caring attitude with your body, focus on the one speaking. Eye contact is critical. Look the speaker in the eye. There are times when, what really communicates is learning forward.

On many occasions, when people have come to see me as a pastor, I have removed my tie as a symbol of wanting to relate as a person and not just in the formal role of a pastor.

Talking Listening involves speaking! What the listener says lets the speaker know that he or she was actually being heard.

Ask questions. After hearing someone speak, one of the first things you need to do is ask questions. Avoid “shut down” questions,” such as, “Were you really that mad?” Ask “open up” questions, such as, “What happened when you said that? You might even ask, “You seem to be saying _____. Am I hearing you correctly?

Practice appropriate and limited self-disclosure. Nothing communicates like self-disclosure. Nothing communicates that you have heard, that you care, and that you identify like self-disclosure. Just make sure that it is appropriate. Disclosure about you that demands disclosure about others is an example of inappropriate disclosure. Also, in most situations, it needs to be limited. Reveal enough detail to let the other person know that you understand without dumping all the details. This is about listening to them, not about them listening to you.

When you practice appropriate self-disclosure, you are more like a tour guide than a travel agent.

Hurting people want to be heard (Ps. 27:7). Listening is God-like (Ps. 17:6). Let’s be Godly. Let’s listen.

                                    © G. Michael Cocoris, 4/29/2003
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